Supporting someone you love
How to support a widowed mother, sister or friend
The most helpful things you can do for a widow are to keep showing up after the funeral, help with practical tasks, say her husband's name and let her talk about him, and gently help her find others who understand. If she is of African or Caribbean heritage, you can share African Caribbean Widows UK with her, a community of women who have lost a husband or partner.
Join the communityKeep showing up
In the first weeks, the house is often full. Then people go home and the calls slow down. That is often when a widow feels most alone. A regular phone call, a visit, a meal dropped round, these small things matter more than you may realise, months and even years later.
Practical ways to help
- Offer specific help, such as "I'll sort the bank letters on Saturday", rather than "let me know if you need anything".
- Help with paperwork and phone calls, like Tell Us Once, the bank and pension providers.
- Remember the hard dates, his birthday, their anniversary, the anniversary of his death.
- Say his name. Most widows want their husband to be remembered and talked about.
- Let her grieve in her own way, and in her own time.
Helping her find her people
However much she is loved, a widow can still long for someone who has been through the same thing. If she is of African or Caribbean heritage, you can share this site with her, or, with her permission, fill in the join form together. Someone from the community will then contact her personally, in the way she prefers.
Common questions
Can I sign my mother up to the community?
You are welcome to fill in the form with her, with her permission. Someone from the community will then contact her personally, by phone, WhatsApp or email, whichever she prefers.
What should I say to a widow?
Simple, honest words are best, such as "I'm so sorry" and "I'm here". Saying her husband's name and sharing a memory of him is often a comfort. Try not to rush her grief or tell her how she should feel.