I've lost my husband. Where do I start?

First, be gentle with yourself

In the first days and weeks, many widows feel numb, overwhelmed, or as though they are moving through fog. That is normal. You don't have to do everything at once, and you don't have to do it alone. Let family and friends take on the tasks they can.

The practical steps

• Get the medical certificate of cause of death from the doctor, hospital or coroner.
• Register the death with a register office, within 5 days in England, Wales and Northern Ireland, or 8 days in Scotland, unless the death has been referred to a coroner.
• Ask the registrar about Tell Us Once, which lets you report the death to most government departments, such as HM Revenue and Customs, the DWP and the DVLA, in one go.
• Contact the bank, pension providers, insurers and utility companies. The registrar can give you extra copies of the death certificate, for a fee.
• Plan the funeral with a funeral director. If you plan to lay your husband to rest in another country, choose a funeral director experienced in repatriation. Moving a body out of England or Wales needs permission from the coroner, and the funeral director can arrange this.

• GOV.UK: What to do when someone dies

  Step-by-step official guidance.

• GOV.UK: Tell Us Once

  Report a death to most government departments at once.

Money and benefits

You may be able to get Bereavement Support Payment if your husband, wife or civil partner died, and since 2023 some unmarried partners who have children can also claim. There are time limits, so it is worth checking early. If you are on certain benefits, you may also be able to get help with funeral costs through a Funeral Expenses Payment.

• GOV.UK: Bereavement Support Payment

  Who can claim and how.

• GOV.UK: Funeral Expenses Payment

  Help with funeral costs if you get certain benefits.

Finding women who understand

When the funeral is over and the house goes quiet, the grief often feels heavier. That can be a good time to reach out. African Caribbean Widows UK is a community of women of African and Caribbean heritage who have lost a husband or partner, and who understand both the loss and the culture around it.